Archive for the ‘Showtime’ Category

Weeds 504 – Super Happy Lucky

July 22, 2009

Welcome to my latest (late) recap.  Enjoy!

Title card clue

I would kill to have one of these!

I would kill to have one of these!

This isn’t much of a clue, more like a lead-in since the show opens with them hiding out in an arcade.  Nancy is gleefully shooting buffalo and bunnies, and bitching at Andy about fucking her sister.  Andy calls it as he sees it, “Jealous!” She denies it, but he points out their hot make out session by the border fence last season.  He tells her to prove she’s not jealous by kissing him.  She tells him to go away.

Silas is watching Shane fail at the claw/stuffed animal machine (I don’t know the name for those, but you know what I’m talking about).  Shane is talking about how he wishes mommy would just fall down a flight of stairs (dark!) but Silas tells him, “This is happening whether we like it or not.” Nancy interrupts them to tell them it’s time to go, and Esteban is going to meet them at the house.  Now the boys will finally get to meet baby daddy.  Nancy warns them to be nice.

At the house, the awkward family meeting commences.  He gives the boys some free campaign t-shirts.

Silas: “So you’re like the mayor of Mexico, or something?”

Esteban: “Or something, yes.”

Shane: “And you stuck your penis in my mother at least once…”

Nancy: “Okay then, goodnight Shane.  Go upstairs.”

They ask what the hell happened to Sucio.  Esteban explains they think he mixed up his medication and wandered off (coughbullshitcough).  She thanks him for giving him a gun and keys to her house.  Makes them feel real safe.  He offers to let them move into his house in California, and even Andy can come.  They decline.  Silas leads a pissed off Shane upstairs, but Silas is nice enough to shake Esteban’s hand and give the usual pleasantries.  I can see in his own way that Silas is trying to be supportive of his mom.

Nancy wants to know where this new-found lovey-ness is coming from.  He tells her that he received test results back that confirm that the baby is his and is a boy.  Hold up, I’ve never been pregnant, but isn’t it pretty much impossible to tell the sex of the baby that early?  Oh well.  He calls in Ignacio, her new baby sitter, also another one of the characters from the tunnel/maternity store.  He comes in with a baby swing, a gift from Esteban.  Andy interjects to say that he could protect Nancy, but Esteban thinks this is hilarious.

j2Andy wants to know what Ignacio has that he doesn’t…and gets tasered.

"I call him Mr. Zappy"

"I call him Mr. Zappy"

Poor Andy…

Nancy: “Oh great.  Now he’s wet himself.”

Ignacio: “Heh, that happens, I get him a towel.”

At school the next day, Shane runs into his pot-smoking English Teacher.  Teacher wants more herb, like 4 grand worth of herb!  Shane is a little shocked.  I’ll translate that into street terms, he’s asking for a pound of weed (or close to it, I can only guess what Shane charges him per ounce, but somewhere between $250-$400 per O).  They can’t get too far into it because the bell rings and Mr. English Teacher has to go teach the Abstinence Only class, and if he’s not there, “The hamsters get raped with pencils.”

At the house Silas comes downstairs looking extra spiffy and business-like in his button down shirt and blazer.  Nancy is trying to assemble the baby swing, and Ignacio is watching Milo and Otis and eating Chinese food.  He’s not nearly as helpful around the house as Sucio was.  Nancy asks Silas if he’s seen Andy, and he tells her Andy’s in the garage working out.


Nancy goes to find him, looking pretty sexy in her cowboy boots, cut offs and see through shirt, might I add.  She asks him if he’s just doing this because he peed himself last night.  He admits to it a little.  We all know he wants to be tough for Nancy.  She reassures him that she’s well protected and doesn’t need him too be tough; he asks her what she need from him…sweet, but before she can answer Ignacio comes to tell her the doorbell is barking.  Uh, Andy, she just asked you to help with the “baby erector set” of a swing.  Ignacio teases Andy and says he looks just like Jamie Lee Curtis in the movie Perfect.  While Nancy and Ignacio walk off laughing, Andy finds what looks like an old bank book inside of a boxing glove (he had mentioned that the exercise stuff used to belong to Judah).

At the door, who else?  Celia.

j5She wants to stay with Nancy, because now that she “escaped heroically” from her captors, she’s homeless.  Nancy tells her she’s pregnant, yes Celia, with a baby, and she needs peace and quiet which Celia is neither.  Celia’s first question, “Is it Andy’s?” results in Nancy having Ignacio throw  her stuff out on the lawn.  Then we see creepy Agent Till, still watching Nancy’s house and fuming over his dead lover.

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

"Nobody puts Baby in a corner."

Meanwhile, Silas and Doug are looking at possible pot club locations.  An old Asian lady-landlord shows them what used to be a dry cleaners.  She’s tough.

Landlady:  “You want the fish, buy the fish.  Don’t squeeze the fish!”

Doug:  “I’m not squeezing the fish, I’m sniffing it, and I have every right to sniff the fish if I’m going to buy it…or rent it.”

Silas:  “We’ll take it.”

Not so fast Silas, Landlord isn’t “cool” with a pot club opening up on her property.

Landlady:  “If you sell pot here, feds take away my building.”

Doug:  “Yeah, well you eat dogs.”

Landlady:  “Get the fuck out, you…asswhore.” (LOL, I’m stealing that one.)

At the house, Nancy is still struggling with her baby erector set, and declares, “Mommy needs to get drunk,” before she lays defeated on the floor.

j7Suddenly Ignacio enters, dragging an unconscious Agent Till.  She helps him carry Till into her room.  Ignacio says he caught him peaking into the windows, she wants to know why he would be there to arrest her.  He says no no, he wants to kill you, and show her all the weapons on him, including brass knuckles.  “Today, he is no cop, today, he’s Rambo.” Then he wakes him up just to taser him again, and asks Nancy to help him drag him into the tub because he wants to, “Burn his clothes, drain his blood, and melt his blood with acid.” Nancy tasers Ignacio…“Not in my tub.”

In the kitchen, Andy and Shane discuss whether or not Andy should impersonate Judah to gain access to his old savings account.  Shane tells him to go for it, and his dad’s old passport is in his sock drawer upstairs.  As they talk, Shane is emptying the freezer of Silas’ weed (I’m not sure how Silas is unaware that Shane is stealing from him, but he will be soon) and Andy asks him what he’s doing with all that, “smokable product.” Shane is honest, and Andy isn’t thrilled that his youngest nephew is selling weed, to his teacher of all people.

Andy:  “For the family’s greater good, right?”

Shane:  “For the family that tried to ship my ass to Oakland?  Sure think that.”

Andy is worried that Shane’s sense of right and wrong has gone off-kilter, but Shane isn’t concerned.

Shane:  “What can I say?  I’m a Botwin.  We’re not responsible for what we do.”

He’s turned into quite the angry young man.  Very angry at mommy, young man.

j8Unbeknown to either of them, Mommy has two men tied up in her room.  Till is trying to order her “as a federal agent” to untie him.  She calls him on his bullshit and demands to know what he did to Sucio.  He plays dumb at first, but then admits to it.  He asks her what side she’s on, Ignacio tells him she’s on his side because, “She make baby with the boss.” A fact that she did NOT want Till to know, because if you remember, she had denied knowing who the boss was previously.

j9 Then they hear Celia’s voice from the living room, she let herself in.  Nancy warns them if they make a noise she’ll kill them both.  When she leaves they start kicking each other again until Ignacio notices that Till has a boner and tries to move away from him as far as possible, yelling, “NO NO! I don’t want to fight with you anymore!” Haha, I guess Till has a bondage fetish.

Celia has come to see if Nancy will reconsider letting her stay there.  Nancy reacts by saying nothing, and instead throws lit matches at her.

j10Nancy is going insane, and it’s hilarious.  Celia decides they should talk later, and leaves.

At the bank, Andy discovers that there’s over $186,000 in Judah’s old savings account.  He also finds out that his grandmother (the one they pulled the plug on) had been adding to the account for years.


The bank lady isn’t buying it though.  Turns out she’s an old jilted lover of Judah’s and she has some things she wants to get off her chest.  She tells Andy that Judah has to come talk to her before she’ll release any of the money.  He breaks the news that Judah is dead.

j12She’s devastated.

At school, Shane deposits $4000 worth of weed into Mr. English Teacher’s trunk.


Bad move Shane.  Instead of settling up in the car and driving him home like he said, Mr. English Teacher locks him out of the car and drives off.  Oh Shane, you are fucked.

Back in mommy’s bondage bedroom, Nancy is faced with a dilemma.  If she lets Till go, he’ll kill Ignacio, if she lets Ignacio go he’ll kill Till.  She can’t decide what to do.  She wants to consult the magic 8 ball.  Till tells her to keep pretending she’s so noble because they’re still breathing, she already has blood on her hands.

Back over at grumpy Asian landlady’s place, Silas and Doug are getting the lease after all because the cop “beat up her cat.”  That’s twisted.

Andy is still consoling the lady from the bank (Margaret), but now they’re at the beach.  She reveals that Judah was her first, you know, and then he went away and her life became, “a bucket of shit.” She tells Andy that it was a pretty good idea to try to impersonate Judah to get the money, he sees his chance and talks her into helping him do it anyway.  She agrees, but only if he dates her and they both pretend he’s Judah.  He knows it’s fucking weird, but he goes along with it to get the money.

At the house, we see Esteban coming down the hallway.  Guess she’s made her decision.  He asks her if she’s okay.  She rattles off all the 8 ball answers.  No, she is not okay.

j14Esteban:  “What’s going to happen in there is not right or wrong, it’s not good or bad.  It is.  It’s what happens next.  We chose, you and I.  When we came together we chose, a life, this life.  For you for me for our son.  There is nothing I would not do to protect that life.”

Goodbye Agent Till.

Esteban and Nancy go for a walk on the beach.  He throws her magic 8 ball into the ocean.  He kisses her on the neck and then kneels down to hug and kiss her belly.  She knows what he is really in love with.

At the house we see Andy finish putting together the baby swing.  I guess he did get the message after all.  It’s a bittersweet moment.  The episode ends.

Until next time…


Weeds 502 – Machetes Up Top

June 21, 2009

I downloaded an HD version of this episode so the screen shots are much better now.  It’s good times.  I don’t have HBO or Showtime, I know most of you don’t either.  If you want tips on how to get these shows for free, just ask and I will email them to you.

I want to mention the new show openers that I really love.  Last season, only the first episode used the classic title credits and song “Little Boxes”.  The song was controversial among fans, mainly I think because some found the vocals annoying.  It seems like the producers listened because throughout season two and three the song was covered by famous guest artists, like Elvis Costelo, Death Cab For Cutie, Ozomotli, Regina Spektor, Randy Newman, The Shins, Linkin Park, Michael Franti, Joan Baez and Pete Seeger. I’m so glad Pete Seeger did a guest spot because he sang the most famous version of “Little Boxes” in 1963.

But starting with episode 402 the shows have begun with short animated title cards that relate to something in that episode.  It’s like a little hint.


I know it’s hard to read but the ashtray says Weeds with some Japanese writing underneath.  The beer bottle says created by Jenji Kohan (another reason to support this show, it comes from a female writer) and the last shot are tuna rolls that morph into pot leaves.

This is extra cryptic, usually the hints are more obvious.

On to the show…

Nancy wakes up to find Caesar, the Boss’s right hand man sitting her kitchen.  He’s there to “keep her company”  aka “make sure she doesn’t run away.”  He warns her that the Boss still hasn’t made up his mind about her.

Notice the gun.

Notice the gun.

She also finds the same Jesus bobble head that Guillermo had put in her car with a camera in it when she was running drugs across the border.  This time someone left it on her porch with a note on it.  Scary.  Remember, Guillermo is locked up right now because Nancy snitched.  She purposely took him down.  Now he wants a jail visit…


She tries to brush off Caesar with the “I’ve got a mani-pedi and errands to run” excuse, but it’s going to take more that one try to get rid of him Nance.  Gangsters are like that.

Shane and Andy wake up the same morning at Aunt Jill’s house in Oakland.  She’s annoyed, she microwaves hot pockets for her creepy double-speaking twin daughters (my favorite line from her this episode, “Yum, Yum!” when she puts the hot pockets down in front of them).  And then we briefly meet her robotic bicycle-riding husband.


I can already tell that Jill is kinda crazy.  C’mon, she’s played by Jennifer Jason Leigh, don’t you remember Single White Female?  She’s trying to be a good host though.  She offers them hot pockets too.

Back with Nancy, she’s getting her toes done and Caesar is getting in the way.  The Asian ladies force him into a pedicure chair.


Can’t you just see the idea forming in her head?  The Asians declare that he needs the “fish” for his feet.  They shove his feet in an aquarium with those fish that gently nibble off your dead skin cells.  Nancy sees her chance hops up to get her bikini wax, the only place Caesar won’t follow, besides he’s got 3 Asian ladies holding him down.  She slips out the back door before he catches on.

Next we see Silas and Doug hiking through the forest.  They’re looking for some hidden land to set up their pot garden on.  Looks like they found a spot…but these nice gentlemen found it first.


These dudes hold them captive, threaten to kill them, but once they find all the choice clones in Silas’ bag, they let them go…minus the clones (baby pot plants).  Poor Silas, all his hard work for nothing, but he’s got to learn how to play the game right somehow.

Nancy goes to visit Guillermo.  She tries to play coy but he knows she did it.  She tells him she’s pregnant but he’s not impressed.  He tells her, “You’re the knocked up puta whore rat, she ends up in a landfill…lady parts all chopped out, face all unrecognizable.  You were an interesting person to know Nancy Botwin.”


Nancy is not t0o happy about that.

Down in Mexico, Celia is still staying with Quinn’s ex-boyfriend, Rudolpho.  He’s some sort of militia commando but I’m starting to find it weird and low-budget that Celia and Rudolpho never leave that damn tent.  She feels bad for him because he’s still hung up on Quinn and is a general mess.  He leaves in a huff because he thinks she’s abusive just like Quinn, and he’s probably right.  He tells her to leave but instead she organizes all his guns and weapons because she wants to stay and prove she’s useful.

"Machetes up top."

"Machetes up top."

She’s realized that everyone back home hates her and she begs him to let her stay.

Back at Jill’s, Andy is bonding with Jill over house work and bottles of wine.  They bitch about Nancy and get drunk…which devolves into good old-fashioned revenge sex.  Yep, Andy and Jill get it on.  Bad Andy.  Uh oh, Shane takes pictures of them through the window!



Nancy goes to Dean to update her will, and let him know where she’s hidden money.  She also tells him that if anything happens to her, Silas gets custody of Shane.  She won’t tell him what is up though, only that she trusts him.  Then later on…she’s smoking and drinking in a sushi restaurant.  Shit Nancy…what are you doing?


She shares a shot of whiskey with the sushi chef and reveals to him that she once attempted suicide when she was 10 by jumping off a bridge.  This show is going to a dark, dark place and it’s about to get darker.

She goes to the Boss’ office down in Mexico after her little raw fish/alcohol/cigarettes binge to confront him.  She pulls a gun out of his drawer and tells him to “decide” because she’s tired of being “dead mom walking.”  This pisses him off, and in my opinion he rapes her, and leaves her with these parting words, “You do not dictate the terms of this arrangement, okay?”


Jesus Christ.  Nancy’s drug of choice is danger (and maybe caffeine), and you’d think she’d hit bottom when Peter died or when she burned her house down, but damn.  I’ve gotta say this is a record low.  This episode was depressing, I hope things go slightly better next week…

Weeds, it’s better for you and me.

June 16, 2009

I’ve decided to stop recapping Daisy of Love.  I still watch it, but honestly I’ve totally lost interest.  So,  if you want much better recaps with pictures and everything, go visit Thrill Fiction’s blog.

Instead of focusing on brain numbing reality shows, I’ve decided to focus on a show that’s near and dear to my heart, Weeds.  Anyone else watch?  It’s so good!  The fifth season just started and it doesn’t disappoint.  I can’t decide what I love most about this show…the sharp writing, the endless cliff hangers, the jokes, the acting, or all the issues it tackles.  I’ll come out of my weed closet right now, I fully support medical and recreational use of marijuana.  It’s fine if you disagree, but I have years of personal experience that backs up my belief.  Enough about that, lets talk Weeds!

Brief recap of what’s been going on last season…

Nancy quickly discovers the true purpose of the maternity store front business that Guillermo put her in charge of…it’s got a secret tunnel from Mexico in the back room.


The Mexicans tell her to stay out of the tunnel, but we all know Nancy craves trouble…


She goes in the first chance she gets and gets caught of course.  She discovers that the head of the Mexican drug cartel is the mayor of Tijuana.  He gives her a spanking as punishment (I’m not kidding).  Then they start being friends with massive benefits.


Oh Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, why do you always sleep with the enemy?  Meanwhile, the kids start getting some action themselves, Shane gets his cherry popped by these two little superfreaks-


Silas is 17 but starts hooking up with local cheese shop-owning MILF.  They’re both in way over their heads, and start selling weed a little too openly out of the cheese shop.  She dumps him on his 18th birthday because her ex-husband is trying to take her kid away, and I hope she’s gone for good, she was boring.

Celia, after going through rehab, decides to go find her long lost daughter Quinn to make her amends with in Mexico.  I was excited about this one because Quinn was Silas’ original girlfriend on the show but she was one of many offspring that disappeared from the show after the pilot.  She secretly videotaped her dad Dean cheating on Celia (complete with a tennis racket shoved up his ass) and showed it to her mom.  Celia retaliated by shipping her off to boarding school in Mexico and we haven’t heard from her in five seasons.  Quinn obviously isn’t buying her mom’s apologies and immediately slips her a roofie and conspires with her boyfriend to hold Celia for ransom.

The biggest OMG moment came when Nancy decided she couldn’t take the smuggling of underage sex workers and guns though the tunnel anymore and became and informant for the DEA, probably the craziest thing she’s done yet.  They do a raid and Guillermo gets taken down.  The cartel is out for blood now, and they torture and kill until they get Nancy’s name.  They even get a picture of her meeting with the agent.  Her boss/lover calls her down to Tijuana for a meeting, she’s got a sinking feeling she’s going to die.  At the meeting she denies, but he shows her the picture.  Then she pulls an ace out of her sleeve and shows him a picture of an ultrasound and says “It’s early, but it feels like a boy.”


Holy shit!  And that’s how season four ended…


Season 5 starts exactly where 4 leaves off.  His henchmen don’t trust her, but the Boss (who’s name is Esteban, btw) is torn between love, betrayal, and a chance at a son.


He decides to believe her for now, and lets her go home…only after his right hand man shoots the other two henchman because they “Gossip like old women.”  Isn’t he charming?  I also have a theory that Nancy might be starting to understand more spanish than she’s letting on.

Meanwhile down at Casa del Quinn, her boyfriend has been making unsuccessful ransom demands from Celia’s cell phone contacts.  Even her family doesn’t care.  This just pisses Quinn off more, and we quickly figure out she abuses him.


Back at the house, Andy wakes Nancy up in the morning to try to convince her to take the family and flee to Denmark, and to confess his love to her.  He also delivers my favorite few lines of the episode- “It’s only a matter of time Nance, you finked and they know it, don’t they?  Now they’re just playing with you, you’re a cat toy, and they’re cats, Mexican cats…gatos.”  She drops the pregnancy bomb on him to make him go away.  It works.  Aw, I love Andy, I’m always rooting for him.


Shane has starting selling weed he steals from Silas at school with the help of his two super-skanks.  He gets caught in the library by his English teacher.


But the teacher (surprise, surprise) instead blackmails Shane into giving him a sack.  Adults are always failing children on this show, it’s a running theme.

Celia’s kidnappers are still going through her cell phone trying to get someone to pay them money.  They even call the DEA agent that she thought was into her but is actually totally gay.  Samjay is in the office being questioned and overhears that Celia’s been kidnapped, he looks concerned, I have a sneaking suspicion that he might end up helping her.  Samjay has a good heart.  Nobody Celia knows is going to pay because everyone hates her.  Quinn decides that she’s going to kill her and sell her organs on the black market.  That bubble bursts when they realize she’s had chemo and radiation and her organs are no good now.  Quinn flies into a rage against her mother and starts kicking her.  Her boyfriend throws Quinn out, he’s done with her bitch ass.

Nancy’s boss makes her go to “his” doctor in Mexico.  She doesn’t know what the hell is going on because no one is talking to her.


She wants to leave, but he says she either stays and submits to the exam or one of his henchmen will “drive” her home.  Needless to say she submits.


Back at the house, Andy tells Silas and Doug that Nancy is pregnant.  Doug is an idiot and tells Shane when he comes home.


The boys confront her, she tells them she’s keeping the baby.  She also tells Shane she’s sending him to his aunt’s for safety, he’s pissed and wants to know why Silas doesn’t have to go too.  Silas and Shane get into a fist fight about it and Nancy throws one of the hot banana bread pans that Andy’s baking to make them stop and only burns the shit out of her hand instead.  Silas and Doug leave to go set up his secret pot garden deep in a national park, and Andy leaves with Shane to take him to aunt Jill’s up in Oakland.  Everyone’s giving Nancy the silent treatment, no hugs and kisses for her.

The episode in typical Weeds fashion ends on a bizarre but beautiful note…watch:

That’s a Micheal Franti song btw, I love him.

Here’s another video of a cool flash mob dance in a London train station:

Next episode’s recap is coming soon, stay tuned!