Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

LolFetus

December 29, 2009

This idea comes straight from GingerMandy’s post about her annoying pregnant relatives.  Even I’m not immune to how annoying constant prego-chatter can be.  I have a lot of pregnant/new mom friends, which is awesome, but sometimes it’s a topic discussed into the ground over on Facebook pages.  Also known as TMI, and mommies can be some the worst offenders–no, I do not want to know what your baby’s poop smelled like!

So GingerMandy and her friend have invented LolFetus, just like Lolcats, only with fetuses.  Brilliant.  I had to Lol my fetus asap.

Don’t make bebeh angry…

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I don’t think this is part of a balanced breakfast…

December 11, 2009

So I go into the kitchen for my cornflakes night-cap.  Let me preface this by saying that I am a cereal fiend.  Even as I’m pouring out the cereal, I’m making sure that I’m leaving enough for a bowl in the morning.  Yes, I’m even carefully planning out my next bowl of cereal.  I also make a mental note of how much milk is left.  Everything is still all good for the morning.

I go to complete my perfect bowl of cereal, the one I’ve been craving and imaging eating for the past hour, and reach for the bag of sugar to sprinkle (generously) on top.  Then the worst thing imaginable happens.

A roach falls out of the bag of sugar and lands in the middle of my cereal.

In my mind I’m still thinking I can save this (I must have gone temporarily crazy) and I nudge at the roach to try to encourage him to run over to the edge and make a quick exit.  He’s slightly smaller than a cornflake.  Of course in my mind I’m just rationalizing that if I can get him off as quickly as possible I can just scoop off the flakes that he stepped on and I can still eat this.  Wrong.

I grab a pair of wooden tongs and try to grab him, but that’s also ridiculous.  I end up hacking away at the bowl with the tongs as he rapidly disappears into the cereal.  Now there is a roach hiding in my fucking cereal.  My cursing and hacking even woke up hubby who was asleep down the hall.

Now I have no idea what to do with this goddamned bowl of bug cereal.  It’s still sitting on the counter where I left it.  We don’t have a garbage disposal and the trash is full.  Perhaps I’ll flush it down the toilet.

I have never lost a craving so quickly.

Update to the Update

October 23, 2009

So no doctor visit today, rescheduled til next week.

One because the lab results wouldn’t be back until Monday, and two because we lost our freaking debit card!  I got the bank to send one to my mom’s address and then she “overnighted” it with FedEx.  I say “overnight” because even though they call it that AND charge you $108 to send it, it still takes 5 freaking days to get here.  Overnight my ass.

Lame.  Oh well, I guess it could be worse.

I do have a funny story from the lab though!

Okay, so we opted to go to a nice private lab instead of the public hospital–where you have to wait all day and they’re kinda dirty.  Like any other business, it was located on one of the first few floors of an apartment building.  It was spacious and clean, it reminded me a lot of my doctor’s office.  I love how cordial people are here.  Whenever you go to any kind of business or shop, you always get invited to sit in the manager’s office to chat and have some tea.  First I got my blood taken, not as bad as I thought–I was thinking they were going to take a bunch of test tubes-full like they do in the United States, but she only took 6 cc’s, enough to fill a medium syringe.  Okay, I’m thinking hard part’s over, all I have to do now is pee in a cup.  Before I do that, we sat in the head lab guy’s office and drank a cup a tea while he and hubby chatted about things.  When I was done with the tea, I picked up the plastic cup they gave me earlier (complete with red plastic cap) and I walked out to the hall and motioned to the nurse that I was ready.  She points me to the bathroom.  I walked in.  Oh no!

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Oh yes.  Turkish toilet, also known as an alaturka or squat toilet.  I’ve been avoiding these things since I got here, but today it’s now or never.  I stared it down for a few minutes thinking, “Okay, I can do this…I’ve got to do this…” with my second thought being, “I don’t want to accidentally pee on my pants!”  I decided to take my pants off.  Luckily I was wearing loose capris so I managed to get them off without taking my shoes off.  There was no place to hang them so I gingerly put the on the floor in front to me (at least it was clean).  I squat, do my thing, fill the cup.  Just when I’m thinking I’ve successfully pulled this off…I tried to flush.  I turned the knob next to me thinking that the water was just going to come out from under the lip of the toilet…instead, it started gushing out of a metal hose that I had failed to notice before.  I grabbed my pants off the floor just in time to save them!  I stood up, put my pants back on, and then flushed the toilet the correct way–aim hose, THEN turn on water.

I put the cup on the shelf in the bathroom, washed my hands and then got out of there as fast as possible as if I was leaving the scene of a crime.

Hubby was laughing his ass off at me the whole way home.

Cleanin’ out my closet AKA random stuff from my blog folder

October 16, 2009

I have a blog folder on my computer, I’m sure I’m not the only one.  It’s just a growing image folder that contains random pictures that I’ve grabbed off the internet, thinking “hey I can write a blog about that!” but then it gets filed away and forgotten.  Well no more!  Time to clean out my blog folder.

As I was going through them, some clear category emerged.  Number 1:

  • Crazy foreigners on scooters…

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This topic fascinates me because I see this all the time in Turkey.  Set belt?  Nah.  Helmet?  Nah.  Weight restriction?  Nah.  Child seat?  Nah.  Legal?  Yep!

For me this was part of the culture shock from styrofoam-encased, over-protected America.

Category 2:

  • Pictures of Austin:
Congress Avenue Bridge

Congress Avenue Bridge

ACL Festival

ACL Festival

Traffic...

Traffic...

Sigh.

Sigh.

Can you tell I’m homesick?  It’s a beautiful city, go if you ever get the chance.

Category 3:

  • LOLcats (and one dog)

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I sent this one to my best friend as soon as I found it.  She has this cat.

I sent this one to my best friend as soon as I found it. She has this cat.

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Category 4:

  • Pictures of my cats

Pearl

Pearl

Ecko.  Silly kitty jumped off the roof to the top of the patio umbrella, but then was stuck.

Ecko. Silly kitty jumped off the roof to the top of the patio umbrella, but then was stuck.

Leele

Leele

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I miss them, but they’re livin’ fat and happy at my mom’s so it’s okay.

Category 5:

  • Just plain random…

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death_to_all_juice

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"Huh??"

"Huh??"

Welp, that’s it for now.  Thanks for helping me clean out my closet, now go have a kickass Friday!