Archive for the ‘Reality Shows’ Category

Daisy of Love Recap #5

May 27, 2009

I think someone has walked off on Daisy every episode so far…let’s see if she can keep that streak going.  I’m betting yes!

Morning again in the house, Daisy is all bummed out about London being gone, and the guys are bummed that she’s still hung up on him.

Sinister, and Cage are hanging out talking, Chi Chi starts whining about them waking him up with their talking…  Cage reacts by getting up in Chi Chi’s face and shaking his bunk-bed like a tambourine.  Nothing like a little rage to get your morning going.

Big Rig wants some of Daisy’s attention so he brings her coffee and fig newtons in bed.  Daisy actually looks somewhat decent without all the makeup.  Score one for Big Rig, he scored some points with her.

Challenge time!

They have to take pictures of Daisy for the cover of her single.  Cage is all disappointed because he’s a fighter…really, I had no idea, you like to fight, really?  I guess I missed that fact.

Cage, Chi Chi, 12 Pack and Big Rig are on one team.  They go for a more classic look–she’s supposed to look like Marilyn Monroe but not quite.  12 Pack is in all the pictures with her but it’s a make-out season instead of a photo shoot, and all the other guys are getting pissed off.  Rig Big is so annoyed that he stops taking the pictures, and the shoot just stops.  That’s no good.  Chi Chi tries to save things but time is up anyway.  The photo they pick has her face half covered by 12 Pack’s.

Sinister, Fox, Flex, and Six Gauge are team two.  They’re trying for a more rock and roll vibe.  Low and behold, Fox is a hair stylist.  He throws out the hairstylist that production provided for them, and her hair ends up looking like Amy Winehouse and a neon pink octopus had a baby.  She’s taking pictures with Flex, but Fox jumps in and doesn’t know what “everyone look away from the camera but her” means and stares into the camera.  Their final picture is terrible, it looks like she’s giving birth to a guitar, her face is washed out and you can’t even see her body.

Judging time.  She, Riki, and the other judge lady like team 1’s, and they’re talking about how she looks like Marylin and blah blah blah when Fox opens his big mouth and asks, “Who is Marilyn Monroe?”  Duhh…he’s an alleged *coughgaycough* hairstylist but he doesn’t know who Marilyn Monroe is?  Wowza.

Team 2’s picture comes up, and Fox opens his big mouth again and talks about how awesome and, awesome their picture is.  His teammates aren’t too pleased.  Daisy likes it, but other judge lady rightly points out that it looks like crap.  Going with her usual pattern of choosing teams that don’t deserve to win, team 2 wins.  Fox gets MVP and a solo date, now his team is really pissed.  Fox goes and does what he does best before their date tonight…puts on some bronzer.

Cage and Sinister are getting all bummed out by the fire pit, I think it’s the quiet before the storm.

Fox and Daisy’s date is a Greek-themed costume party for two complete with togas and headbands.  Fox is retarded, he babels through the date and she makes out with him just to shut him up.  The date is over pretty fast.

She runs into Cage on her way to bed, and she totally picked up on his weird vibe, but he denies it.  The guys a partying outside, and this skunk that the production company lets into the house finally comes to their attention…let the mayhem begin!  Like the bunch of idiots that they are they all chase the damn thing into a corner and it sprays the shit out of them.  But no, these guys have to be a heroic and they don’t give up.  12 Pack manages to get a trash can over it, but not before it sprays him in the mouth.  I’m still betting it tastes better than Daisy cootch.  Big Rig saves the day and gets the skunk in trash can out the door.

The next day the other guys on the team (minus Fox) go on the group date, it’s at a skate ramp warehouse.  None of the guys are too excited, Six Gauge even says to the cameras that he’s way too old for this crap.  I also have to say that Sinister’s zebra getup was the worst thing I’ve seen a man wear–maybe ever. With the zebra patterned hoodie on top of a zebra patterned beenie, he’s looking more like a zebra patterned turtle.  She spends some alone time with Six Gauge and asks him why he’s being so distant.  He talks about his business, and that just confuses her.  On the way home one of the guys is talking about how Six Gauge has shown them his “six gauge” (in case you missed it, that’s the gauge of his penis piercing) so he decides to show it to her…right there in the limo with two other guys.  How romantic!  She’s slightly horrified.

At the house that night the guys are getting krunk as usual.  Cage has decided to hit the bottle extra hard because he’s got a lot of pent up frustration.  Why do guys always yell when they’re drunk?  They don’t even yell words, it just a Tarzan scream.  It’s a frat boy thing, I used to bartend at frat parties and they all do that.  I’ll never understand.  Cage is just going batshit crazy.  He pulls a flaming piece of plastic out of the fire and it gets on Flex’s hand, giving him a pretty nasty looking burn.  Right before eliminations Cage starts picking a fight with Six Gauge but Flex jumps in on the action and puts Cage into a sleeper hold.  Enter producers stage left.

Cage has some issues.  Daisy goes in and tries to talk to him, but he just wants to kill Flex.  She decides to send him home because he can’t control his need to beat in someones face on a regular basis.

The elimination ceremony is pretty anti-climatic.  She already sent someone home so no one is getting eliminated.  The ironic thing is had he not eliminated himself he probably would have stayed, and Fox or Six Gauge would have gone instead.

Next week’s preview is another irony…the challenge is going to be cage fighting.

Daisy of Love Recap #4

May 25, 2009

Oi, better late than never!  I haven’t been my snarkcastic self lately.  And yes, I will post a recap of #5 tonight’s episode very soon.  Sorry about all the delays, my loyal Daisy of Love readers.

The show starts off like it always does–rise and shine douchebags!  I don’t need to see these dudes putting on guyliner and washing their balls each episode, but thanks anyway VH1.

Haha, Sinister is feeling jealous of Chi Chi’s scrawny ass.  I finally have this show figured out, all these guys are the same except for Chi Chi.  These dudes, and the ones that have already been eliminated, all fall into the same category.  They’re used to girls falling all over their poser wannabe rock asses.  They act like they don’t care and are too cool for any chick that likes them, thus reeling her in further (see London and Fox) which as we can see is already back firing on most of the dudes.  Chi Chi is that other type a guy who’s got no game and tries to smother a girl with creepy affection and compliments.  He’s the type that gets stuck in the “friend” zone ASAP, so I don’t think his chances are any better.

Rock challenge!  Cheap-ass VH1 decides not to pay for any actual rock songs so they have to cover nursery rhymes…and then they’re going to play at the “world famous” Knitting Factory.  Never heard of it.

Six Gauge, London, and Sinister are team captains because they have alleged experience, then the picking of teams leads to more drama, naturally.  These boys are worse than the Real Housewives.  Sinister doesn’t pick Chi Chi and he is SHOCKED.  Really Chi’ch?  You thought he was going to pick you over pussy?  I guess you’ve never had pussy.  Chi Chi must be a virgin.

London picks Cage, because earlier when he was watching him shower in addition to noticing his rock hard abs he also took note of his awesome voice.  All of these guys are gay, I’m completely sure of it.  Nothing wrong with it, just don’t hide it, and don’t go on a dating show to hook up with a tranny…oh wait, I get it…never mind.

Team 1 is Six Gauge, Big Rig and Flex.  No one who benches below 250 allowed!  Team 2 is London, Cage and Chi Chi, aka Team Emo.  Team 3 are the leftovers–Sinister, 12 Pack and Fox.  They have two hours to figure out Old MacDonald, Row Row Row Your Boat, and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…let the over-confidence begin…

Haha, Team Bench Press decides to go nude, I hope they at least do some sort of homage to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I doubt it.  The brain isn’t a muscle, they don’t know how to use it.  They add some glitter and sharpie tattoos, which is something a four year old would be more into.  They’re up first, and it can’t be over fast enough.  Note to all men, do not put your genitals into a “banana hammock” and shake it towards a woman, she will not be turned on.

London‘s band, aka “Daisy Blades” sucks through Row Your Boat but she still thinks London is dreamy.

Sinister’s band doesn’t suck the most, but for some inane reason she picks “Daisy Blades”.

Winners go on a Gibson Guitar tour bus.  She’s feeling less enamored with London for some reason.  She thinks he drinks too much, duh, and she asks him why he’s homeless, he explains about his dad kicking him out, but then with her attention span of a goldfish she’s bouncing around the bus and leaves him hanging.  She gives them all guitars, wow.  They must have been free from Gibson because we all know how cheap VH1 is with these budgets, I assume they had a nice chicken wing lunch.

She doesn’t give London any alone time and he’s about to go off the deep end.  Meanwhile, Cage opens up to Daisy about his abusive dad and his dead alcoholic mom.  Wah, now he punches people for a living.

London is all “Fuck this and shit” and hitting the bottle on the way back.  He’s such a douche.  He’s yelling at her while playing with the guitar she just gave him.  He went from McDreamy to McDouchy in the span of an hour, niiiice.  He’s pouting and packing his shit, then she calls him into her room and they have a little cryfest.  They make out.  She tells him he kisses the best.  I just threw up in my mouth a little.  Why do I make myself watch this crap?

The next day, she sends her nude team to get a Rock’n’Roll make over, surprise!  They look like rejects from Burning Man now.  Makeover Fail.

To kill some time Daisy takes an opportunity to stir up more drama and plays truth or dare with the rest of the dudes.  Truth–Fox asks Chi Chi who he thinks will go home first, Chi Chi or Sinister?  Wah, he puts himself down and says that he thinks Daisy would chose Sinister over him and they have more in common.  Huh?  If that’s not a play for her sympathy I don’t know what is.  He’s like a little pathetic kitten, not exactly what I think she’s looking for.

Truth–she asks London why his dad kicked him out…oops.  I told you she was a goldfish…he’s annoyed, and most of all embarrassed about being called out in front of everyone on his situation and tells her to peace out.  As douchy as this guy is, I totally see where he’s coming from.  She’s not putting much effort forward on anything besides make out sessions, and her listening skills leaves something to be desired.

Before elimination, Riki tells her to get rid of London.  He basically tells her to stop being retarded.  She doesn’t.  Wow, she goes to London and TELLS him she’s going to give him a chain.  Uh…what?

Elimination time, the makeover guys are back and looking gayer than ever!  Six Gauge looks like he just walked out of a fetish club, and they’re all wearing too much guy-shadow.

She calls up London just as promised but he turns down her chain, and she runs off crying.  Thus we lose another cog from the douche factory.

Bye bye London, you won’t be missed!

Daisy of Love #3

May 11, 2009

The guys are having wet dreams about Daisy.

Flex and 12 Pack are scheming about getting Brooklyn out of the house. The guys are all pissed that Weasel went home cuz he was the “fun guy” and Brooklyn is Mr. Unpopular now.

Challenge time!

Which douchebag can best protect this delicate flower?

3 teams of 4 have to get a Daisydummy through and obstacle course while being shot at by a team of pro paintballers who look like Storm Troopers.  May the welts be with you.

Brooklyn gets picked last for paintball. I hope it brought back some school yard memories.

Cage almost blacks out, but makes it through…screaming like a baby. The Daisydummy splits in half! Brooklyn scoops up the body parts, takes off for his part, and passes it off to 6 Gauge. Then Cable Guy gets it, and falls, HARD. Not only does he land on the Daisydummy but one of her arms flies off! I’m having flashbacks to Rock of Love’s Stroller Derby. He’s now a non-moving target and gets annihilated by paintballs. They have more Daisy parts than teammates.

Fox uses the Daisydummy as a sheild!! That’s BS and she calls him out for it.  This team sucks just as much as the last one.

Sinister is determined to take the pain and make sure she doesn’t fall to pieces. Chi Chi does okay, but London breaks her in half. 12 Pack takes it over the finish line in 2 pieces. They didn’t break her as much, so they win. Sinister wins VIP time.

Brooklyn knows the guys are going to make him into an ass-puppet tonight, so he speaks up. He admits that he’s still in love with this ex girlfriend and wants to quit. Now they all really want to kill him. Riki is livid, he calls him a straight up liar, because he swore to her last night that he was there for her. Haha, she calls him a “Losebag,” kicks a rock at him and then says, “check your mail when you get home, I’m sending you a douche bag.”  They leave him at the paintball range.

Commercial break, which brings a commercial for Charm School 2. I can’t wait, and Ricki Lake looks amazing. I remember in the 5th grade I did a skit for D.A.R.E. with some other kids where we pretended we were on the Ricki Lake show. The teachers were all kind of horrified all these 10 year olds knew the show so well. “Ricki! Ricki! Ricki! Ricki!…” Remember?

Okay we’re back. The guys are primping and preening for their dates. There’s lots of hair gel, body spray, and…makeup. Fox gels up his do, and even applies mascara to his facial hair…bleh. Sinister and Daisy are supposed to be on VIP time but she goes to the potty and gets distracted by the rest of the guys. She just forgets about him. What a bitch. Fox is trying to play hard to get. She’s not into it. Sinister is still siting in the VIP area like it’s timeout. Get up and go get her! She’s supposedly been in the bathroom for 3 hours.

Wait, like all of the guys are there. I thought this was just a date for the winners. Guess not. I should have figured they wouldn’t be able to keep these guys from a BAR. Tool Box and Cable Guy aren’t paying attention to her and all, and you know what?  For how she’s ignoring Sinister she kind of deserves it. She didn’t even give him 2 seconds of the VIP time that he won.  He took paintballs for you!

Back at the house, Tool Box is completely wasted and running his mouth again, saying how he’s not feeling Daisy. Looks like he’s feeling the booze more anyway.

Oh okay, now it’s time for the winners’ dates, my mistake.  12 Pack, Chi Chi, Sinister, and London are having a “body painting date” in the back yard.  12 Pack is up first, he tells her he always gets cheated on, and he never cheats.  She buys it, they make out.  Sinister tries to be all “rockstar” about it and not mention that she gypped him at the club.  They make out.  Chi Chi’s up next, he’s jealous of his BFF Sinister’s make out, so he goes in all hot ‘n heavy and is not just making out with her, but trying to have sex with her.  London is last, THEY make out.  Mmm, sloppy fourths.  She’s kinda digging him for now, but I still think he’ll fuck up somehow.

Post-date, Cable Guy is trying to talk to her…from across the room.  Geeze, just go over and talk to her!  He doesn’t want to go out of his way to get know her, and he kind of tells her that.  They get a little alone time, so maybe she’ll keep him.  After that she goes and seeks out Tool Box.  She’s trying to talk, he’s trying to strip again.  She’s turned off.  Next she goes to kiss on Flex and they seem to be having a good time.  Fox interrupts, and she’s still bugged by his cockiness.  I think he might be in danger.  I don’t like him, I hate his stupid homeless guy hats and he looks like he’s trying to be Johnny Depp.

Flex gets the first chain.  She gives Fox a warning about being too cocky but gives him a chain anyway.  Uh oh, it’s down to Cable Guy and Tool Box, she better get rid of Tool Box, and if she doesn’t the guys will be gunning for him next.

Holy shit, she sends Cable Guy home first for not “stepping it up.”  What is she thinking?  Thank god Flex speaks up and calls Tool Box out for is drunken confessions.  She proves she still has half a brain cell left and eliminates him too.

All in all this was kind of a boring episode, although it’s hard to top Flipper’s self inflicted head wound (which shockingly did not result from flipping!).

Daisy of Love Recap #2

May 6, 2009

I decided I needed a drink in my hand this time around because the mass liquor consumption was making me a little thirsty.   Besides, booze goggles couldn’t hurt with this show, or Daisy’s face.  So I’ve got a tequila and oj (a tequila sunset as I call it) and we’re off–

Weasel’s talking about NOT being a drunken hot mess…and then taking shots a second later.  What time is it?  10 am?  I have a bad feeling about you Weasel.

Riki comes in and tells the guys it’s show and tell time with Daisy.  I really hope no one gets naked.

Flex decides to use a male blow up doll (complete with fake blowjob mouth) and is spray painting blood all over its neck.  “I’m covered up in blood cuz I’m dead sexy.” Oh god no.

Flipper writes a song dissing the rest of the guys.  The guys want to see.  “They wanted to see my rap so bad they were in my pants and everything.” I don’t know what’s worse, the homoerotic connotations of that statement or the fact that he wrote a rap.  His girlie hipster jeans save him and his rhymes.  10 bucks says he also has experience keastering evidence.

Miss Daisy is sitting on the desk in a sorta school girl outfit and some horrifying legwarmers.  Show and tell starts, Weasel shows off three pictures, two of him on a motorcycle and one of him in the hospital for a broken back.  Impressive?  Not so much.  Fox gets up and pulls out what I’m guessing is a dildo and stammers nonsensically again about presenting her with this “humorous novelty.” LOL!

Everyone gets a nap break with Professor’s “lesson plan of love.” London is too fucking hung over to write more than two lines of a song for her, (one of which he admits he lifted from her myspace, I’m starting to get the idea all of these guys have been stalking her on myspace for months) this guy is a dumbass.

Yes!  Here comes Flex and his bloody blow up doll to which he has also added a bloody red heart and some snake tattoos.  This aught to be good.  He says the doll is him.  Damn, I was hoping he would say something like, “This is what I’m going to do to these fuckers if any of them touches you.” and then rip it in half in a roid rage.  Disappointing.

12 Pack brings her a bouquet of dead roses, says they signify his past, and then throws them in the trash.  I can’t add anything more to that.  She’s officially underwhelmed.

Big Rig shows off a picture of his kid and that makes her nervous.  Cage shows off his title belt, it’s the size of a dinner plate, and Daisy says of the stupidest things I’ve heard her say so far–she doesn’t understand how it can hold up pants.

The rest of the guys show off their marginal poetry, saxophone, and stripping skillz but they’re too boring to go into so I’m just going to skip.  On to the main event, Flipper. He “burns” all the guys with his 3rd grade rhyme, and then flips of course.  He even calls one of them a dork!  I’ve seen the preview, he’s already got one foot in the deep end.

Chi Chi, Six Gauge and Weasel all get gold stars.  Fox, Flex and London get detention slips.  Punishment is giving lap-dances to some old ladies.  They all manage to light some granny fire.  London wins and gets to go along on the date with the gold stars.

After that travesty is over, the guys do some relaxing (aka binge drinking) outside.  The shit-talking inevitably comes around to Flipper and his whack rap, the guys have a bone to pick.  Which I don’t get because everything he said was so dumb how can they be offended?  Whatever, alcohol+douchebags=fight time.  He picks a fight with Cable Guy for no reason, then smashes a glass on his own forehead.  I just can’t stop laughing, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  He goes to unleash some more crazy on Daisy, is a total ass and she throws him out.  He leaves in a storm of fucks.  Haha, he left his shoes behind and the guys piss on them.

Brooklyn the dumbass calls his girlfriend.  She sounds psycho.  Of course she calls back!!  Caller ID is a bitch, no?  Hopefully this gets his ass kicked off.

The next day she takes her four dates surfing.  She goes into the Pacific ocean in string bikini, I bet she was able to cut glass afterwards.  Chi Chi is the only one paying attention to her, and Weasel is downin the drinks, then he says to her that his ex-wife used to support him.  Run Daisy, Run!

The guys rat out Brooklyn on the way home in the limo.  She pulls him aside immediately, he fesses up so I think she’s going to give him a pass.  I hate his accent, his cheesy ass needs to go back to the borough.  She also pulls Professor aside, and he almost bores her to tears.

At eliminations I kinda like Daisy’s hair for once.  Cage looks like he’s wearing a mink stole.  I love Riki’s snarky comments throughout eliminations.

Weasel and Professor go home.

Tough Love Finale

May 4, 2009

I have to start off saying, I LOVE THIS SHOW.  It’s not trashy, it’s not too cheesy, it’s the realest thing since Celebrity Rehab on VH1.  Also, little known fact, it’s produced by Drew Barrymore.

3 things I love about this show:

  • It’s not a competition.
  • The other girls actually care about each other
  • Steve Ward keeps it real.

If you want to see more go here.

Recap:

The ladies are getting ready to move out, Steve gathers them around for an announcement–they have to invite a guy out for an overnight get away.  Most of the ladies that have already been matched called their guys (Jacklyn, Jody, Jessa, and Abiola)  Natasha doesn’t have anyone to call, none of her matches have worked out and she got a little too drunk at the last event and totally humiliated her date (called him a douche bag).  She calls and leaves a apology on his voice mail in an effort to make amends and hopefully ask him along on her trip.  He doesn’t call back.  Steve sets up a blind over-night date for her…that’s scary.  Taylor called her guy for a date, but decides to leave the show because she feels like she’s not ready for a relationship and needs to work on herself.  I have to say, she has improved her personality a lot since she started.  She leaves with massive rivers of mascara pouring down her face.  The girls are really sad to see her go, even though she started out as a brassy bitch.  It’s like finding out that cheerleader you hated in high school is actually really nice.

On to the dates!

Sigh, Jacklyn is being a little too honest with Brock and she’s talking about the possibility of getting back with her ex over dinner.  Buzz kill!  He talks her out of it obviously.

Natasha is having drinks with her blind date.  Flames are added to spice things up but I’m not buying it.  He’s not so easy on the eyes and could lose the sideburns.

Jessa is having a good time with her date, probably really feeling all that red wine.  They end up in the tub together, ooh la la.

Abolia and her date…wait, did he just leave?  I thought they were in a hotel suite together?  Huh?  They were all smiley about it, so I’m confused.

Jody and her date, Shane.  They’ve been dating for a while and she’s even met his son.  She was probably the most uptight when the whole show started but I think she’s really changed for the better.  Shane and Jody seem to have a future.  Haha, they do it.

Okay, back at the house–Everyone is in the hot seat!

Natasha first, she says she felt comfortable with him, which is surprising for a marathon blind date.  I think Natasha is a catch, she’s pretty, but she just lacks confidence.  She reminds me a little of my mom.

Natasha

Natasha

Abiola, starts tearing up right a way, but she says the date was great.  They play his feedback video, and he gives her glowing reviews.  Perhaps he left because she just met him.  She has the princess complex and expects perfection out of men, but says she going to try to drop it.

Abiola

Abiola

Jessa, the innocent bad girl.  Her date really liked her…blah blah blah she’s boring.

Jessa

Jessa

Jody, she kind of has a man voice but she’s likable.  She and Shane are still going strong obviously, and she calls him the one.  They play his feed back and he also calls her the one!  They’re in sappy, sappy love.  She looks like she’s wearing a lampshade for a dress though.

Jody

Jody

Jacklyn, they play Brock’s feedback, and he says he’s concerned that once she gets home she’s going to be hanging out with her ex boyfriend, Greg (who’s supposed to be picking her up from the airport, and might be planning to propose).  She’s trying to stick with her guns and move on to Brock because she felt like she gave Greg enough chances.

Jacklyn

Jacklyn

Steve gives them his final pep talk and everyone hugs and cries.  Wah.

Alright, back from commercial.  They montage all of the girls, clips of all their hits and misses.  It’s got lots of cheesy music to go along with it.  I hate chick music.  Their follow up blurbs are predictable–Jody and Shane don’t work out, Jaquelin does get proposed to by her ex boyfriend, I guess she said yes because it says “She broke up with him after he returned to his old ways.”  Brock doesn’t take her back.  Damn she really screwed that one up.  The rest of the girls are either still dating or are in serious relationships with people the met after the show finished.

Daisy of Love Premiere

April 30, 2009
Daisy shows off her favorite drink, finger, and controlled substance

Daisy shows off her favorite drink, finger, and controlled substance

Rock of Love II reject Daisy, has a her own spin-off on VH1–Daisy of Love.  With the typically low standards these shows have for casting this one is sure to please!

I’m going to watch it and recap as I go.

First look at the guys…uh yeah it’s not Tool Academy or Sober House but most look like they would belong there.  Haha, they’re using the Surreal Life house, trashy as they could get on the decorating, naturally.  They do the obligatory flashback to ROL2, and we all get a reminder of what a hot mess she was when she got eliminated.  Oh my gawd, at least she got the weave fixed this time around.  Back to the boys–looks like property damage will be the theme of the show.

So, out in front of the house the guys get all psyched out by Riki Rackman who comes out of the limo instead of Daisy.  I’m glad he’s here because he has no filter.  Haha, he immediately singles out 12 Pack’s slimy ass for looking for fame, and tells the rest of them he doesn’t want to hear about any of their “bands”.

Oh God, no.  No no no…Daisy decides to make her grand entrance by lip-syncing with a bunch of fishnet-wearing back-up dancers.  Oh this isn’t a ploy to promote her singing career, she’s here to find LOVE, uh huh.  Okay it’s mercifully short because I was about to switch this shit off.  Deep breaths Jen, deep breaths.  Lets just hope that’s the last time she has a mic strapped to her face.

These guys are getting drunk ASAP.  We get to know a little more about the guys, they hone in on the triplets from Sweden because how could you not notice three guys that look like Japanese school girls?  Ew they’re dipping raw hot dogs in salsa, fucking gross!

One of the drunk ones with the blue and red hair yells “Were the bitches at?”  Classy.

Daisy reappears to give them all nicknames.  Is it me or have the boobs been upgraded?  Maybe it’s the corset.

Loser #1 is up–he tells her his name back home is “Crazy Mike”, never a good sign…  Oh lord, without being prompted he strips down to his “man thong” and does a little booty dance for everyone.  He has a tattoo of lips on his ass.  Then he does a standing back-flip which gets Daisy squealing.  Nickname:  Flipper

Loser #2–Daisy digs his guyliner.  He “sings” for her which is literally just off-key screaming.  Nickname:  London

Losers #3, 4, & 5–The Swedish girls are up.  They talk in thick accents which vh1 translates at the bottom of the screen into pseudo-swede, hilarious.  She asks whats up with the brother thing and they call themselves a “Swedish smorgasbord”.  Riki’s right, that’s creepy!  Incest, anyone?  Nicknames:  ’84, ’85, & ’86. Because as Riki explains, “Because that’s the last time it was okay to look like that.”

Loser #6–Guy with tat sleeves and stringy dyed black hair.  Nickname:  Sinister

Loser # 7–Possibly the biggest loser here, but she thinks he’s got a Bret Micheals vibe which she thinks is hot.  Wow, now I’m getting a much clearer picture of why she’s single.  His name is Pauly so she thinks of Pauly Shore, so unluckily for him–nickname:  Weasel. Haha!

Loser # 8–Asian looking guy with long hair dyed from yellow to red.  Nickname:  Torch (at least he didn’t get “Flamer”)

Loser #9–Really fugly dude wearing a beanie from the ’90s and possibly a dab of eyeshadow.  He doesn’t have much going on for him, so–nickname:  Dropout.

Loser #10–High school teacher with a faux-hawk.  Nickname:  Professor

Loser #11–Faux-hawk guy number 2  is so into working out that he made a job out of it and is a gym manager.  Nickname:  Flex (ooh..we’re really stretching the creativity now, eh?)

Loser #12–High pitched voice guy gets the nickname Chi Chi, from Riki of course!  Chi Chi does score points with me for correctly pointing out that “chi chi” does mean tits in Spanish.  He’s not really thrilled with the name, poor guy.

Loser #13–The one that yelled “Where the bitches at” is up and tells us that he used to be an exotic dancer.  Don’t male exotic dancers usually dance in gay clubs?  He does the Beyonce booty bounce for her–another thing a straight guy should not be doing.  She likes him for some reason though.  Nickname:  Tool Box (tool is correct!)

Loser #14–Cheesy looking guy from Brooklyn.  Nickname:  Brooklyn

Loser #15–He’s got a six inch long braid hanging off his chin and says he’s a DJ but also does cable.  Nickname:  Cable Guy. He’s sad about it, and I don’t blame him.

Loser #16 (is this almost over?)–A bubba that drives an 18 wheeler.  Nickname:  Big Rig

Loser #17 (I guess not)–Has a penis piercing.  Um, ouch.  Nickname:  Six Gauge (’cause that’s what’s in his dick, nasty!)

Loser #18–Wears too many beads and probably does way too much yoga.  He’s already trying to flatter the pants off her.  Lame.  She’s alllll about it though.  Nickname:  Fox

[Side note:  I’m starting to wonder what all those colored bottles are under Riki’s table.  Arts and craft project up next?  Are they going to make air-brushed t-shirts with their new names on them?]

Loser #19–Is shy about his face tattoo, but then Riki immediately busts on him for being bashful while having “FIGHT OR DIE” tattooed in bold across his neck.  Lol.  He’s a cage fighter.  Nickname:  Cage

Loser #20–Ah, the biggest fame seeking loser of them all, 12 Pack (previously cast on I Love New York and I Love Money).  She rightly points out that he hooked up with Heather on I Love Money, the same Heather who tired to beat her to a pulp on Rock of Love’s reunion show.  Well that’s red flag #41.  Riki calls him gay, lol!  He admits he used to think New York was a tranny.  Which means tranny is his type, hmmm…Daisy is this telling you anything?  That’s red flag number #68.  They stick with, what else, 12 Pack.

Thank god that’s over.

She stresses about having to get rid of 5 tonight.  C’mon it can’t be that hard, they’re all lame ass hell.

They all party on the patio, and she gets to know them more.  Riki goes over and questions the triplets on whether or not there are just there for the free food.  OMG, did Dropout just say that they were cute and wouldn’t mind taking one of them home?!  Whoa, this is the third possibly gay guy they’ve presented so far, what is up with this show?  The Swedish fish fess up a bit to being there for the free food and drinks, and also the see “Vat iz up.”  They’re like stray puppies!

Fox and his giant head of hair gel pulls her aside and tries to get all smooth but ends up being nonsensical.  First make-out, and it’s nasty, but Daisy’s all googly about it.  I guess flattery will get you anywhere.

Finally, back outside Sinister rats out Tool Box for his ‘bitches’ comment earlier.  I knew someone would tell on his ass!  She’s all horrified, and says, “I’m a DAISY, not a bitch”.  Haha.  She sets him straight, he blames it on his confidence.  Torch weirds her out on the couch with his bizarre conversation skills (“Well you know throw a coke bottle at my head and RAWRRR”), and then Brooklyn cheeses it up some more.  She’s not sure who to reject first.

Flipper takes a back flip off the top of a 15 foot lighting scaffold into the pool to get noticed.  We’ll all hoping he’ll take a header into a rock but he lands safely this time.  She’s impressed but wished he would tone it down.  The rest of the guys continue making asses out of themselves in various ways.

Daisy decides to question the Swedes some more, and I’m a little disturbed by her question, “Is it true you guys all come together?”  “Jah, jah” they reply.  Gross.  I know she didn’t mean it that way, but gross.

12 Pack gets his moment with her and tries to explain how he’s done this before (haha) but this time he’s for real and he’s been wanting to get with her ever since he hit her up on MySpace.  Yeah, for real.  He’s a douche.  He also says that he’s not retarded like the other guys.  Guess that just makes him “special”.  She licks his nose.  She’s “special” too.

Drunk guys start dropping like flies, London is the first one down.  Best quote of the episode:  “Ugh, this is Daisy of Love, not I Love Liquor!”

She goes back outside for a surprise elimination.  She lets the Swedish triplets go.  They make off with a ton of food!

3 down, 2 more to go.  At eliminations, Dropout and Torch get the axe.

Jon Gosselin Caught With His Girlfriend?

April 30, 2009

jon-kate-cover-b

The “stars” of TLC’s #1 show has made the cover of the tabloids once again.  Here’s a link.

I haven’t read the full article, and I don’t usually buy tabloids, but the excerpts on the website are very interesting.

“[Jon] was overheard yelling, “Hey, babe! Babe! Give me my jacket!” before climbing into his Nissan Nismo. (She complied.) As cameras began snapping, he panicked, urging his female friend to “get in the car!” before speeding off hastily — without even turning on the headlights.”

It was also noted that he was not wearing a wedding ring.

The plot thickens.  TLC refused to comment on the story but bizarrely Jon emailed US Weekly to say this:

“I went to [the bar] to speak to the owner. A friend of mine wanted to check out my car, so I let her drive it to her car,” he says. “Yes, I have female friends — but that is all she is. I’m not going to end my friendships just because I’m on TV.”

Wow, that’s a simple explanation, Jon!  But when you over-explain every aspect of the story, it’s a obvious lie.  Who calls their friend “Babe” anyway?

They share an even weirder quote from Jon:  in the May Ladies Home Journal, he says, “I always thought I would be, like, 54 years old and marry a 19-year-old or something.” (ICK!)

When are these people going to finally face the music and call it quits?  Wake up and smell the divorce papers, Kate.  Mark my words, there will be papers filed this year, and this is going to turn into the custody battle of the century.  I really hope they can wise up a do right by their kids, but considering their track record–I don’t have high hopes.

Thoughts?

Update 1:34 am–Even my fav Chelsea Lately is talking about this shit on her round table!  Tune into E! to catch her re-runs.


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