Archive for the ‘Dick Cheney’ Category

Presidential Snark

May 10, 2009

I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted in light of recent events, and I also have to stay home by the phone.

I did get some laughs tonight watching the White House Correspondents dinner, the Prez killed!  Did anyone else watch this?

Favorite quotes:

“Micheal Steele is in the house tonight, or as he would say ‘in the heezy’.  Whasup?  Where’s Michael?  (sees him) Michael, for the last time, the Republican party does not qualify for a bailout.  Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I’m sorry.”

“Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he’s busy working on his memoir, tentatively titled How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People.”

“Last week Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year.”

“Another thing that’s changed in this new warmer, fuzzier White House is my relationship with Hillary.  We had been rivals during the campaign, but now we could not be closer.  In fact the second she got back from Mexico she pulled me into a hug and gave me a big kiss–told me I should get down there myself.  Which I really appreciated, it was nice.”

“During the second 100 days we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first 100 days.  During the next 100 days I will learn how to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn how to go on it.”

“In the next 100 days, I will strongly consider losing my cool.  Finally I believe that my next 100 days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days, and on the 73rd day I will rest.”

If that wasn’t awesome enough, Wanda Sykes came on next.

“It’s funny to me that they’ve never caught you smoking but they always catch you with your shirt off.  I know you’re into this transparency thing, but I don’t need to see your nipples.  Is there a beach at Camp David, what the hell?  You know there was never a nipple portrait of Lincoln, I’m sorry.”

She was freaking hilarious!

Go here to get your giggle on and see full videos of both Obama and Wanda’s speeches.


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